Today…
The first year being an expat in any new country is always the hardest. No, not when it comes to the excitement of exploring your new city/country but when it comes to celebrations.
Today is a big celebration day for many Muslims around the world. I celebrate what we call Hari Raya Aidilfitri (Eidulfitr’ Celebration Day) in places like Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia and Brunei.
This day marks the end of the month-long obligatory fasting for all Muslims. All Muslims all over the world celebrate this day differently. I really like how we celebrate it in Singapore though, where I grew up.
It is really like how Christmas can be or Chinese New Year’s celebration. Let me picture it for you.
My Memories
I grew up in a large village in Singapore and there were many of us who celebrated this feast. Things haven’t changed much today, except the kids are getting more jaded about the celebration compared to the youths of ‘my time’. As soon as the first day of Ramadan begins, everyone gets really excited about what will happen in 30 days time.
We start by making meals for the breaking of fast (iftar) and then mum would send me out with small bowls (to distribute) of whatever we made to the surrounding neighbours’ homes to share with them. By the end of the night, our meal would consist of 10 different dishes thanks to all the food from the neighbours.
We would start to prepare the house for the new season by painting, making new curtains, baking 10 or so different cookies and then going out to fabric shops to look for that one perfect material to make our family ‘baju kurung’ (literal meaning- containing clothes).
I would painstakingly draw out my special design to the tailor, repeating it a few times to make sure she knows exactly how I want to look like on Raya morning. All the girls and boys tend to wear the same colours/design in the family. So it was really easy to spot the family groups whenever we go out during the celebrating month.
The Big Day for Little Ones
As the big day draws nearer, kids especially would be very excited. There’s the ‘collection’ they can look forward to. The collection is the act of getting money in small packets, kind of like the Chinese Hong Baos (red packets). Money is given out to school going children as part of our zakat (charity).
All kids have to do is just go visiting families and friends houses with their parents or their own schoolmates, have a bite to eat, drink a glass of soda pop then shake the elder’s hand and voila! 😉 A small packet will appear during the said handshake. It’ll inevitably contain at least $2 or if you’re lucky, a larger amount!
When I was growing up, the amounts were much more modest, like 50 cents up to a dollar. I was a ‘champion’ collector, as I loved following my mum all over Singapore and Malaysia. I love visiting families and friends and getting to know them. You can do your collection for the whole month of Syawal!! (the month after Ramadan) I think we are the only ones who celebrate almost the whole month!
The Big Day
The big day of 1st Syawal is preceded by all of us staying awake to bake that last minute cake (mine is Chocolate Marble Cake), hang that newly made curtain, cook the traditional dishes like Beef Rendang (Indonesian Dry Coconut Curry), Lontong (slow cooked rice turned solid-like) and Sayur Lodeh (vegetables cooked in spices and coconut milk) and the ever-present sambal (fried ground chillies in spices).
Abah, my late grandfather would be busy making the last few pieces of ‘ketupat‘ (rice cooked in specially yarned young coconut leaves as pictured below). That’s an art I have yet to master! Some of us would hang more fairy lights to make our house as bright and as festive as possible.
In the background, Malay classical and modern music would be blasting from the radio to add to the cacophony of sounds in our house. But the most special sound I look forward to the most is the Taqbir/Takbeer. This is a special prayer/chanting at the end of the last prayer of the day. It sounds so soulful that it never fails to bring tears flowing to my eyes.
This taqbir will continue the next day after the optional Eid prayers. We would then have our family meal that’s been cooking through the night when all the males come home from the mosque,
After the lovely meal has been shared, in our new glorious best clothes, we would then do a special thing that I think is unique to the Muslims in South East Asia.
The kids/younger ones would then sit at the feet of their parents/elders, take their hands, bow their head and seek forgiveness. We seek forgiveness for our transgression for the past year, and there’s a rough formula to say it, translated it goes like this-
“I seek forgiveness from the bottom of my heart, from physical and soul. If I have eaten of yours by mistake or drank from yours by mistake, if I have used language that is rough to hear, please accept my apologies”.
Most of the time, husband and wives would seek forgiveness from each other than the children to those said parents. In general, younger ones would always seek the elders first.
This is also the time when most tears would be spilt. Especially when said sincerely, you do feel that you could have caused hurt to the other party, without realising it. Before life takes us/them away, enforced ‘sorry’ is never a bad thing, don’t you think?
Today
Anyway, back to why I feel that the first years are difficult when it comes to celebrations. You know no one in your surrounding area celebrates your feast the way you do. Heck, they may not even understand it!
Imagine how a Dutch family traditionally exchanges presents on December 5th (Sinterklaas). They then move to China where no one in their surrounding area understands their unique celebration with Sinterklaas and Zwarte Piet.
Everyone thinks, why are you exchanging presents NOT on Christmas Day? Before they can find other Dutch families to share this shared tradition, then they have to make do try to enjoy it with their own little family.
And that’s what I’m doing- I am spending it quietly with my little family in our tiny village here in Alsace. Having just arrived a little more than a month ago, we haven’t made any friends from ‘back home’ or haven’t had the chance to. I do not think it’s so bad that I’m spending my traditional day all ‘alone’.
What I feel is quite sad is that my children do not get much opportunity to experience the traditions I grew up with, the nuances of the culture I am proud of and the company of extended family members.
Of course, my 2 older kids think that by being perpetual expats, we are depriving them not of the traditional day per se but the ability to do ‘collection’! Sigh…kids today eh?! 🙂
- Blog post first written and appeared on my original website www.ArnieRozahKrogh.com on 30th August 2011.
Prepping the ingredients for making the ubiquitous Javanese Sambal Goreng Tempe is ever present during Hari Raya The first person you seek forgiveness is from your father. The second person you seek forgiveness from is your mother. Salam is given to all your elders. If you are young, you’ll inevitably get some money pack. 😉 Our little family of 4 in the Hague. 2010, our little family became a bigger family of 5. My first time celebrating in Singapore in a few years.
