In Death We Learn

After being away for so long from my home location, I’m finally happy to see my own bed. 3 weeks may not be long for many people, to me it is, especially as it means I’m away from my lovely kids and cats.

I have so much to share and there are so many articles I’ve written about my time away, unfortunately, we found out something unfortunate has befallen our family after arriving home.

Our much beloved furry family member, Oreo (a black and white Siamese and European short haired mixed male cat) was run over by a careless-driving-too-fast-in-a-country-lane driver a few days before we arrived home. We were beginning to wonder why a cat who was always waiting in the driveway no matter what time we arrived home, was not there despite the repeated calls.

Our neighbour had to finally deliver the sad news with tears streaming down her cheeks after seeing DH calling out for him again on Monday morning (as DH was going into his car to work). She told him the actual reason why Oreo was not answering our calls.

DH then got the 2 girls together, plonked them both down on our bed and delivered the sad news to us all. My daughters howled away in disbelief and I…I just started to bawl like a baby. In fact, my eldest DD and I just cried the whole day. Oreo was her 9^th birthday present. Oreo was more than just a furry cuddly cat to us, he really became our communicating family member.

We were told that our neighbour had buried him in our back garden. 5-year-old DD2 insisted that we do a funeral rite for him. DH decided that he was not in the mood to be in the office when his wife and 2 daughters are crying non-stop. It was so nice to see my strongman shed tears for a much-loved cat. We got dressed and then crowded around Oreo’s tiny mound of dirt with flowers already planted by the said neighbour. I said some prayers and the gals gave their own eulogies. We were, of course, doing all these through bucket loads of tears.

What can my daughters and I learn from Oreo’s untimely demise? I learnt that my daughters are an unconditional giver of love, I learnt that human or animal, we still cried loads for something/someone we love when they pass and I learnt that no matter how young they are, children are still affected by death. We have to and are now going through what is known as the 5 stages of grief.

• Shock/Disbelief – We went through that when we first heard of his death. Sometimes it’s short, sometimes it takes longer for another.
• Bargaining – This is a stage where we bargain or strike a deal with God, ourselves or others to make the loss go away. DD1 began to wonder if we had not gone away, would Oreo be alive today or maybe she could have prevented it somehow if..if..if..
• Anger – My DD1 is going through this stage now. She is angry with the driver for causing Oreo’s death. She is also a little bit angry with him for running across the street. I am no longer angry as I am lucky enough to understand as an adult that accidents do happen, as sad as it may be.
• Depression/Despair – I am already at this stage right now where I can’t stop crying thinking of him. Despair is when you feel deep melancholy, you feel overwhelmed by your feeling of loss and there could also be guilt.
• Acceptance – This last stage can happen faster for some and take longer for others to reach. This is when we are able to fully comprehend the nature of the loss and accept that it has happened. We can then begin to feel positive again and have our confidence back that some things are beyond our control.

(It saddens me) I feel sad that my young children have had to experience death but I appreciate that it has to happen someday and I hope to be the guiding hands for them through this tough journey (and I am here to nurture, guide and help them reach their fullest potential in today’s fast-paced materialistic world)