Yes, I indeed wrote ageing in my title. Even though my heart feels so far from ‘middle age’, my skin is definitely not agreeing with my soul. The skin starts to age from around age 25. Even more so for our facial skin, it suffers the most changes. From makeup to bad skincare to sunlight, smoke (even passively) to even smiling and scowling.
My mother, as a make up artist when I was growing up, have always taught me to look after my skin religiously. She would do the ‘scratch’ test before I leave the house as a schoolgirl, to make sure I’m sufficiently moisturised. I remember showering in baby oil when I first lived in Beijing, China. It was my skin’s first time getting blasted in icy cold wintry weather and really hard local water. And yet, I still suffered from the ‘crocodile skin’ syndrome.
Many Asian women will agree that we emphasise a lot on looking after our skin. This is the region that came up with ‘whitening’ products besides the normal anti-ageing and sun protection products. Of course these ‘whitening’ products were later correctly labeled as ‘clarifying’ products once they hit European and American shelves.
I love my make up. I could have been a make up artist in an alternate life. Putting make up on is like taking paint bushes and drawing the face like a canvas. Totally an artistic experience or expression for me. Even though I use a lot of make up (for a busy mum), I’m quite religious when it comes to my facial skin care routine. Years of performing my dance routine late into the night doesn’t mean I flopped into bed when I get home. No matter how late it is, I will stay awake just to clear my canvas off.
Over the years I’ve gone from soap (as a young girl) to foam (teenager) to cleansing water/oil/milk (20’s onwards). Our skin changes over time and through different periods. I’ve had slightly oily skin growing up to becoming combination (T zone) to now becoming slightly dry (mainly from my hypothyroidism).
I’ve tried different products to get rid of make up as efficiently as possible. Now with 4 kids and a household and business to run, I need a cleanser that will do its job without stripping valuable oils of my skin and not be loaded with synthetic chemicals and preservatives.
For a good few months now, I’m really happy with my rediscovered Liz Earle Cleanse and Polish Cleanser. Founded in the Isle of Wight, it means I’m achieving my aim to buy as many local brands as possible. Like I mentioned in the video, I used it sporadically while I was in Singapore and Malaysia. I became lazier I guess as hot water tap is not a norm in homes in Asia. Regrettably, my skin broke out really badly after about a month of using shower gel to clean my make up as I wash along.
It has taken me a good couple of months and really strong serum and some anti acne cream to get my face BACK to the ‘zen’ of before.
For now I highly recommend this product especially to all my mummy readers.
Look after your skin well now and it’ll look after you later.
I booked a Eurotunnel ticket just after we came back from Switzerland after realising how much I missed French food. That love was rekindled during the 2000km odd drive from London through France to Zurich.
Lots of people believe in the stereotype that the French are passionate people. Now I couldn’t agree any more with that than when it comes to their food.
So it came to pass that Friday 8th May, the husband and I with just the 4 yr old son, drove through peak hour traffic after work to Folkstone. We arrived in time for our 7:20pm check in for the 7:50 pm train to Calais. We were staying at a friends’ house (another English-French mixed marriage couple) while they were away in the US.
We were very hungry but didn’t have a clue where we were going to eat once we have arrived. All hubby and I knew was that we wanted to eat ‘really good’ proper French cuisine. And since Calais is a port city, some seafood involved.
Furious searching online, while in the 30 mins high speed train, yielded some results. Now, when the Google reviews are all in French and glowing, you know you’re on to something. Not that I don’t trust English reviews but it’s like when you hear amazing feedback from Chinese people themselves about a local Chinese restaurants, you tend to believe them more. ?
So we made our way to “Le Grand Bleu” restaurant along the harbour hoping there’s a table for us. We arrived around 9:30pm so we were ravishingly hungry by then. To see a restaurant quite full when the neighbours around the area were looking only half full was certainly a good sign.
This is where I found that French passion again. Knowing our 4 yr old was very hungry (and so were we of course!) the manager was very apologetic that the food will take time to come as everything is of course prepared fresh from scratch.
Kings Cross Station was where we started. Instead of Hogwarts, we turned right to Edinburgh
My no.1 girl, who doesn’t like to have herself photographed too much despite her mother appreciating her beauty
I am sitting in a Virgin train on my way to Edinburgh as I am typing this. A couple of friends have asked, whatever for?
I told them for reasons of love and gratitude.
This trip is for my daughter. My eldest daughter, my first teacher in my journey as a mother.
Let me explain.
The hubby and I have been talking about making a trip up to Scotland for the longest time. I have never been there despite 4.5 years living in England before. We have been planning on a family trip this October half term and talking about spending a good 5 days there.
Unfortunately, the other half has a major project to finish at work and didn’t feel comfortable to go away at this junction in his calendar. We decided to put the money towards a longer Christmas break back in Denmark as there is only his mum left to spend time with.
Unfortunately for me, this decision to not go to Edinburgh has been plaguing me since my eldest turned 15 on the 10th October. As I said earlier, it would have been for her that I wanted to go up North.
On her birthday, some things her new close friends/school mates said to me, reinforced my idea to take her up north. You see, up in Edinburgh, lies her reason for being excited to visit. She’s been dreaming of this trip for years. And as a mum who loves her daughter very much, I don’t like saying no to something as powerful as this reason.
When she was a new girl in the International School of the Hague, she was naturally her quiet and amicable self. The bookworm that she is, she took some time to get close to her new friends. In that group of international children, a Scottish girl born and raised in New York became her ‘other half’. They spent the whole school day together.
Weekends became normal that they would take turns to have a sleepover. This other girl, V, became like my other eldest daughter. She learnt to eat seafood in my house and other ‘weird and wonderful’ food items her parents couldn’t convince her to try. (our home has been like a rehabilitation for our kids’ friends who have trouble eating and got it solved when I cooked for and fed them!)
For 4 years their friendship flourished and turned into a great partnership at school too. They helped each other with school work where necessary (V had a slight learning difficulty). And for me, I owed a debt of gratitude to V’s father who became my best dad-buddy a couple of months after I arrived.
No.2 daughter, Amelia, who was only just 1.5 years old at that time, kept getting tonsillitis. Every month, I had a little girl who had fever for 2 weeks, reaching 40/41C at one point. She barely could breastfeed, let alone eat any food. It became really difficult for me to bundle her up in winter to leave home with her at 3pm come school pick up time. Thankfully dad-buddy C came to my rescue. Almost every day that Amelia was ill, he would dutifully pick Adeena up for me and dropped her off to our home. Some days he would keep her at their home and the husband would pick her up at the end of his work day. This went on for about a year before Amelia finally got that all important operation needed. In all these time, I owed so much to C and his wife J for helping to babysit Adeena and when I needed help. Such is life as an expat. Without family around, your fellow expat friends become a much needed form of support.
Anyway, when we left The Hague for Basel, Switzerland, it was a difficult time for Adeena. It was understandable that she would be upset to leave all that she knew for the 3rd time in her short life. Leaving behind V was very tough for her. In fact both girls found it hard to leave their friends behind. Even ‘little’ Amelia, who was only 5 at that time, insisted on Skype sessions regularly with her old best friend in nursery.
By the time we left The Hague, V’s mum was going through treatment for colon cancer. We were praying hard for her to get into remission, to a safe place. We eventually found out that the whole family had left The Hague to move back to Scotland for family support. At the same time, our whole A K family moved to tropical Malaysia in the summer of 2012.
The girls kept in touch but not as often as they used to. I guess the 8 hour time difference didn’t help and both girls had new schools and a new social circle to form. Despite all this, I have always been the kind of mum that reminds my children to never drop old friends because they have new. No matter the distance, we have to always make an effort to keep in touch to show our love.
By this time, Adeena hasn’t spoken or emailed V in a while. One day, she told us excitedly that she is arranging a Skype session with V. After the chat, we heard her sobbing in the room. We gave her space to deal with whatever it was we thought they were dealing with only to have her burst out of her room crying out, “Mummy, J has passed away from her cancer!”
We hugged her, both husband and I, and we all cried together as a family. Adeena cried intermittently for the next few days and understandably was a little down. I had a feeling she was not only sad to hear her best friend’s mummy had passed away but also that she couldn’t be there at a time when a good friend was needed the most.
Moving back to the UK last year meant the possibility of them catching up again was real. Though this time Adeena confided that she was a little shy to pursue it as enthusiastically as before. She reckoned that both of them might have moved on and it might be weird to meet up as awkward teens. I reminded her again that V and her shared many special milestones together and no matter how far apart in miles they may have been, the memories will always stay. I pushed her to keep the line of communication going. In time she got excited again to meet V the more they chatted (this time no 8 hour time hindrance). ,
Celebrating her 15th birthday recently
As I mentioned earlier, despite agreeing that it wasn’t time to travel to Scotland as a family, conversations with 2 different new school friends during Adeena’s birthday party reminded me that my daughter is an amazing friend and deserves to be gifted for her friendship values.
An immigrant daughter of a Somalian confided in me that before Adeena moved to this new high school, she was getting uninspired with school. She was beginning to fail and decided that she couldn’t be bothered to try harder. She got into the ‘wrong crowd’ despite her strict Islamic upbringing and her mother’s wish to see her elevate themselves.
When Adeena came to the new school, everyone was intrigued by her. She had the ‘weird’ quasi American accent and was already used to the school work level that they were doing. Adeena apparently took the time to inspire this girl to push on and improve her grades. She helped this girl with her homework and pushed her harder than the teachers did.
“Auntie, if it wasn’t for Adeena, I wouldn’t be doing triple Science today. I went from a mediocre student to an excelling student in the year I knew her. I love her and I credit my improvement to her.”
(Yes, I am doing the typical Asian/African thing and allowing her friends to call me auntie.)
Another mixed Polish/American girl confided in me during their sleepover about herself. She came from a single parent family after dad left them when she was a toddler. She was a really tall and naturally big girl and have felt a little left out sometimes. My tiny and petite daughter befriended her anyhow and made her feel comfortable in her skin. And just like the Somalian girl, Adeena has also been encouraging her to keep up with her school work and pursue her dreams if that meant she could help her single mum in the near future.
Both girls were in awe of how relaxed our household is and how we could relate to our teenage daughter. They were inspired by her and in turn I was inspired by their frank conversations with me. I knew I had a special daughter who values her friends wherever they came from and whatever situation they were in.
I spoke to the husband again and relayed these conversations to him. I reminded him as travelling nomads, our family is not just the ones we were born into but the ones we ‘picked up’ along the way. And for 4 years, V was her best friend and her sister and became like my other daughter. We need to help her maintain that love she had.
And truth be told, I miss my dad-buddy very much. He was my confidante for years and have helped me perform my duty as a mother of 2 while juggling work and the schedules of school and life. I feel sad that I wasn’t there when his beloved wife J, my friend too, passed on 3 years ago. I too needed to show my love and more importantly, my gratitude.
So it was decided early this week, my eldest deserved this belated birthday present to travel up to Edinburgh. Together with her little brother and myself, we will not only discover Edinburgh’s beauty, we will discover love and show gratitude.
2 things I can never extol enough off. 2 things that keep the world going. 2 good reasons to travel all the way up North…
Love.
Gratitude.
How far would you travel for these reasons? Have you done it? Would love to hear your inspiring story. Share it with me here or email me at mail@thegoddessstyle.com
One of the few pictures of mummy and daughter together. Xmas 2014
My 5 yr old son, Asger, enjoying play time with little sister.
So…this post might offend some people who might not be comfortable with talk of sex or sexuality so please click away now.
OK, you’re still here? Great!
In our household, we have always believed that children need to learn about sexuality or be educated about it from an early age. Hence taking our eldest daughter since about 4 to Natural History Museum to see the biology bit of human procreation. Nothing mushy or kinky. Just scientific dry facts.
In our household too, we teach our kids the correct word for their private parts. Are you ready? Yes, we use the words vagina and penis and rectum. Of course for the most part, in daily conversations, since 3 out 4 are pretty young, we refer to ‘winkie’ as their sexual organs, boy or girl.
This is a recollection of conversations I had with Asger. I thought it was a little cute, a little funny and yet, at the same time, a glimpse into the mind works of a 5 year old boy.
Weeee…happiness is….
A couple of weeks ago, Asger was in the bathroom at the same time as I was. This is not an unusual thing as both my hubby and I are ok with our children seeing us naked and having a shower with them until a certain age. We were both getting ready to have our shower when I had to sit on the toilet.
Asger happened to peek in front of me and saw my ‘glory’ as I was cleaning up.
“Eeuuwww….I can see your mummy winkie!! It’s disgusting!!”
“Why is it disgusting Asger? It’s the same winkie all girls have you know.
One day you are going to see your girlfriend’s winkie and then you might not think it’s so disgusting after all”
I then proceeded to ‘lecture’ him on what this whole bit is all about. I told him he actually came from that tiny space he glanced at, 5 years ago, and how painful it was to have a baby’s head came through so maybe it wasn’t so disgusting after all if his head did come through that way.
“So I came from your tummy out through your winkie?” Cue the incredulous eyes, getting rounder than it already is.
“Yes, you did. In fact, all babies came through their mummies tummies into this world through this tiny bit. Well, almost all. Some special baby came through straight out the tummy with the help of a surgeon.”
“Mummy, I have a hole too in my winkie. Daddy too! But our holes are smaller than yours. Only pee comes out of it.”
“Yes, that’s right. Boys have holes in their winkies too. And only pee comes out of it.” (I’m not about to tell my 5 yr old son the other messy bit that comes out if it! ? )
He kept quiet for a short while and cocked his head. That’s Asger’s cue for when he’s thinking furiously.
“Mummy, boys winkie holes are too small for a baby to come out of it. Maybe that’s why daddies can’t have babies!”
“Oh why do you say that?”
“Well, if daddies were to have babies, how are the babies going to come out of this tiny hole? (pointing to his own penis) It’s too small. The babies are going to get stuck. Then the babies will die eventually. Then the daddy will die from the pain of this hole breaking open. If the daddy die, there’ll be no more baby. Then there’ll be no more family because the mummy’s need a daddy for the baby!”
“Oh…that’s an interesting way to look at it! Mummy never thought of it that way. So clever of you Asger!”
(Hugging naked mummy’s tummy)”Yeah mummy, only mummies are strong enough to have babies. And you’re right, your winkie is not disgusting. It’s a clever thing because pee, blood and baby can come out it!”
Cue smily mummy having a happy shower withe her newly enlightened son.
Fast forward another 2 weeks and a few days ago, we had ANOTHER conversation with him in the bathroom. This time it was in the morning with both mummy AND daddy naked having our rushed morning shower. While daddy was towelling off and mummy was about to get in, Asger asked his daddy,
“Daddy, does your winkie go up when it sees naked people?”
Daddy looked at mummy smiling and wondering how to answer this question.
“My winkie goes up sometime when I see girls naked. And it’s a funny feeling”
“Well, my winkie does go up yes. Only when I see pretty naked girls. *pause and looking over at my raised eyebrows and slight smirk*
“Ok, my winkie goes up only when I see mummy naked. Not other girls! But only sometimes. Not now and she’s naked” (I had to secretly laugh at this statement)
“Can you make your winkie go up now? Can I see what your winkie looks like when it’s hard?”
“Well, no. You can’t see my winkie go hard! *laughing a little hard now* And I don’t want you to see it now or ever. It’s not really right. You only do it in private or with a girl you love. You don’t show it to people.”
“Oh! OK!”
At this point, this mummy thought she had to just add a little more sexual education by reenforcing our past comments.
“Remember Asger, you can’t touch other people’s private parts nor can anyone else touch yours. Even when mummy or daddy do it, if you feel uncomfortable, you have to tell us to stop. Not even a doctor can look at your winkie if you or mummy and daddy don’t allow it. And if a girl says no, it means no, OK?”
He gave me one of his big eyed grin and smiling eyes and we all got on with our day.
As you can see, it seems lots of our eye-opening conversations happens in the bathroom! LOL…
On the serious side, we are very serious that our children are sexually educated. It does not mean we want them to be sexually free from a young age, it just means we want them to be empowered. Education is a form of weapon. The more they know, the more they want to learn. The more they learn, the less sex is something they want to ‘explore’ behind the shed but something that’s scientific as well as emotional.
Even though we support LBGT rights and accept that one day one of our children might be one, we tend to use the traditional outlook when discussing relationships. Some people may not agree with what we have done, this is just our family’s way.
I know this kind of conversations will still happen in our household for a few more years. Ayla is now 3. It seems that our kids are all curious around the age of 4-5 so I shall be prepared for the next stage of that event.
What about you? How do you tackle “the birds and the bees” with your own children? Do you find it easy or difficult? Have you got other tips you can share so that others can learn?
For a recap of our last bathroom conversation with another 5 yr old, click here.
As mentioned, I have been messaged a few times by some of my readers asking me what are the products I used when I travel. After the episode of travelling alone with my 4 kids and taking about 20 hours door to door, I posted a picture of all of us looking a little ‘too fresh’. This video was taped when I felt otherwise!
I have been completely jet lagged during this short 5 days trip for a conference in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia but I didn’t want to waste the opportunity to record an episode for my YouTube channel. So please excuse my very tired looking eyes/face. I was already on the way to the airport later that afternoon.
I haven’t been this ‘religious’ about looking after my skin in the air. Though I have always used make up when I travel, I tend to wipe it off on long flights when it’s time to turn the lights off. As you probably noticed, I do enjoy looking polished when I travel as I have always felt I got better service and attention when I started travelling since I was a young teenager.
It’s only as I got older and started noticing the finer lines after these yearly inter-continental flights, that I realised my beauty regime shouldn’t stop just because I was on holiday or flying. Our skin starts ageing as soon as we turn 25 and yet I didn’t really make it a priority until I was in my early 30’s.
Majority of the products I recommended are within the reasonable budget range and are widely available in all good drugstores or beauty counters of major malls. Do let me know if you are already using any of these products. Or if you have your own to recommend, please let me know. I’d love to hear from you!
Being a mother means understanding that your children are never really your own. They belong to the world so the best thing we can do is prepare them for that world in which they will ultimately belong.
Yet, as someone who loves being a mum and spending time with her kids (no matter how much they annoy her at times!) I know my time with them is precious. While they live in our house with us, we can demand their attention but when they leave home… Their time with you is like rain on a summer’s day. It comes and goes whenever it does. A lot of time, sparingly.
My eldest is a proper teenager. Being a teenager means there’s no more cuddling in public. She gets a little embarrassed when I give her too much attention. Like PDA by new couples is not always welcomed, she doesn’t want mummy’s eager kisses and hugs in public either. Can’t blame her! Haha..
So I thought about what are the ways I can spend precious, quality time with my teenager without embarrassing her and still instil strong values in her?
The answer was joint yoga sessions. She used to come to my classes when I was teaching my Belly Dance Therapy and even did shows for me. That time is now over and yoga is hopefully our replacement. We attended our first yoga sessions as ‘adults’ this week. (Read here how Adeena bought me a yoga session as a birthday gift with her own money when she was very young.)
As someone who’s practised gentle yoga for more years than she’s been around, it was nice to be next to my daughter and help guide her where the instructor has missed. It was also nice to encourage her to keep going where she thinks she can’t go on. And then it was hilarious when we both failed to achieve the headstand asana.
Our instructor happened to be a heavily pregnant mama herself. I loved this discovery. I have always maintained that it’s important for girls, as young as possible, to be surrounded by imageries of strong, independent ‘kick a**’ women to instil their own sense of pride in their sexuality. Being pregnant didn’t stop me from teaching my own classes till I was 38 weeks pregnant (had to stop when I went into labour!) and it is not stopping Cheryl either.
I hope to be able to do joint sporty activities with my daughters/son as much as possible. Today it’s yoga, tomorrow we might add rock climbing to the list. Heck, we have been talking about picking up horse riding again. Why not… Our time together is precious. We must grab every possible interactions and public ‘cuddling’ where possible!
Getting ready to walk to the local church hall where our new yoga sessions are held.Practising our Warrior pose together. I hope my children will grow up to be defenders of the week and infirm.Look up and see your bright future, daughter! You are meant to be one of the stars.. ❤Cheryl, our local yoga instructor, who is 28 weeks pregnant with her baby no.2. It’s always inspiring for me to see pregnant women doing things as well, if not better, than women who are not pregnant.
Have you got your own mother-daughter/son bonding sessions? And is it a regular thing? I’d love to hear your own activities and how you feel it has made you closer to your child(ren). Comment below.
